I have a huge decision to make; it is very hard one,
probably the hardest thing that I had to do in my life. Breaking up is hard to
do. See, I feel that my husband and I have grown apart since he got back from
Japan in 2000 and it makes me very sad. I don’t know whether leave him and let
him live his life the way he wants to or not. Lately, he wants to do “man things”
like going shooting, playing video games. That is not what bothers me; I just
miss him wanting to do everything with me and he bought a gun that costs $950
without discussing it with me; in my opinion, he doesn’t need it because he doesn’t
go hunting or even shooting, that’s not until now. I’m sick and tired of us
being broke.
Then, it is the issue me having Cerebral Palsy;
where would I go? My mother is too up in her ages and not in that good health
to take care of me and she have her own life, I don’t want to be a burden to
her and her husband; they do a lot of activities. She said that I could go everywhere
with them, but I know better; when I was a kid, she used to say that she
couldn’t do a particular thing because she had me. I hate when she says that.
Speaking of being a burden, I don’t want to be one
to my husband either! However, I do want to have my own life and do things that
I like; I just don’t know how to get that. I love him because he takes care of
me, not for him; is it wrong? He would like me to get an in-home aide every
other Saturday so he could do his thing, but I don’t want to be here with an
aide for six days. I don’t need a “babysitter” all the time; I’m fine alone,
especially if he is only gone less than four hours and he doesn’t need to be
gone longer than that, right? And when do I have my fun?! I’m stuck here most of the time because aides
are not allowed to take me anywhere; I just get to go to church, doctors and my
mother’s house, woweeeeeeeeee! LOL! I just want my caring country guy and our
life back but since going back in time is impossible, does anyone have any
ideas for a woman with Cerebral Palsy on how to move on after she and her
husband grew apart?
The song "Let's Be Us Again" by Lonestar is how I feel toward my husband and me. I hope you enjoy the video.
If you have any
advice for me, please comment on this post or email me at cp.princess70@gmail.com. Or anyone can email me about any of my posts. Take
care and hope to
hear from you soon.
Please help me by simply click on any ads on my blog, http://dealingwlifewcp.blogspot.com. No obligation. And remember to give me and ideas. Many thanks!
As a man who is married to a woman with CP I can tell you it is a difficult life. I love my wife very much and I knew when I married her that this is going to be different. Life as I knew it was over and I am going in another direction. And so it has. But there are parts of that old life that cannot be eradicated and that should not be eradicated. I am nearly seventy and the youngest of a family of twelve. I see my older sibs dying off. We were a very close family but I have drifted away from them because I cannot leave my wife home alone for very long and she cannot get into their houses with her power wheel chair.
ReplyDeleteMy point is just that you ask a lot of us who take care of you and love you. We give a lot and I, personally, give that willingly. But I am older and have had a good career and now it is time to help someone else. But, if I were younger, I don't think I could be that selfless. It is not a part of human nature. My wife has an advantage that when she gets help with her life she multiplies that help a hundred times by helping hundreds of other people with disabilities live a better life. She tells me she could not do that without me and I know that I could not do what she does without her. So I get to share a little in her accomplishments. She is an advocate for people with disabilities. She is Chair of the Ohio Developmental Disabilities Council this year, and she is active in many more organizations that do some great work. So I help not only her but also those she helps.
You should talk to your husband and ask him if it is too much to ask of him. Be prepared with some solutions such as increasing the time when others take care of you so he gets more time away. Ask what he needs to be happy as your husband. He is a guy, don't ask him to be anything else. Ask him if he has changed his mind about being married to you. Are you asking too much of him? And be prepared for the answer you don't want to hear.
I do not know how involved you are medically but my wife has got people out of nursing homes that never dreamed they could live on their own and they are doing so now and happy as larks. A few cannot, and they have to go to group homes. I don't know where you live and what services you have available but maybe you need to talk to the state or county agency that provides funding for people with developmental disabilities to see if you can increase your hours of care or, if need be, arrange services to move out on your own.
I wish you the best of luck in this difficult situation. Make the best of the situation no matters how it turns out.
Floris,
DeleteHow did you find my blog? I am glad you did. I need friends. I have asked him many times if he still wants to be with me, he says yes. I think it is me. Can I ask you how old is your wife and about her? When and how did you meet her? If you didnt catch it, my point is he changed when he came back from Japan.