Well, I’m whether depressed or going through “the change”. I’m very moody. I’m frustrated, mad, sad………….. Name it and I’m it. We just moved into a brand new house and I don’t like it at all. I feel I’m very frustrated and unhappy with my husband. I just want to sleep all the time; I don’t feel like doing anything, just relaying and watching TV. I have to make myself to do my church duties or anything. Whenever my husband is home, I just want to be in bed, I feel bad that it is all I want to do but I don’t know how to get out of that feeling. My mother blames menopause; she thinks that I’m starting to going through it. But I don’t know about that because there are some stuff that I can’t tell her about and this feeling hit me when we moved. I think I had bigger expectations for our new house than the reality. And I blame my husband; he didn’t speak up and stand up for us while we were having it built, and I begged him to go to a different building company; I had a very bad feeling about the one we went through and in my opinion, I was right! They didn’t listen to what we wanted; we had to fight them all the way. I wouldn’t recommend that company, Industrial Homes in Jacksonville, NC to anyone.
One thing I can’t tell mom is my husband doesn’t want me sexually since 11 yrs. He went to Japan in 2000 and came back a totally different person. People say that I can’t get over the time when he was in Japan. But they don’t understand; that is when my life fell apart for me. Before then, I had a loving marriage and a husband who loved the same kind of music as I do- country music. Now, he is not interested in sex- at least not with me and he listens to Rock & Roll. See, in Japan, he would talk to women online and I found out that he signed up for a Bi- emailing list. And he met up with a guy from that group. So I don’t sure about his sexual preference. Or it could because of my disability. I got a damn feeding tube right after he got back from Japan and it is so ugly!
Check back tomorrow for more about my true feelings. Be safe until then.
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